Top 10: Reasons Why Andrew Jackson is the Greatest American Ever


May 17, 2013 by NowhereButPop

By Andrew Doscas

1)      After a failed assassination attempt, Jackson chased down his would be assassin and proceeded to pummel him with his cane; the beating was so severe that the secret service had to restrain the president.  In other words, Jackson almost assassinated his own assassin.

2)      He essentially stole Florida from the Spanish for no apparent reason.  If you’ve ever been to Disney World you know who to thank.

3)      P.O.W at age 14.

4)      Contracted smallpox as a child and lived.  Who else do you know who survived smallpox?

5)      Left the nation with a budget surplus and zero national debt

6)      You know how 50Cent was shot nine times?  Well, Andrew Jackson lived with several bullets still lodged in his body.  They say that sometimes when he walked you could still here the bullets rattle in his body.

7)      He threatened to personally murder his own vice president.  And I quote “I have only two regrets: I didn’t shoot Henry Clay and I didn’t hang John C. Calhoun”.

8)      Blatant disregard for checks and balances.  “The Supreme Court has made their decision, now let them enforce it”.

9)      We all love nepotism (when it favors us of course); Andrew Jackson made it cool with his “Kitchen Cabinet”, composed of old buddies and other supporters.

10)    He would treat the White House as his own frat house and throw open house parties for absolutely no reason.  Imagine that, an open house kegger….thrown by the president.


One thought on “Top 10: Reasons Why Andrew Jackson is the Greatest American Ever

  1. Justyn Polk says:

    … and he owned 150+ slaves… that’s not cool. Now, JFK was cool, he was with Marilyn Monroe and Jackie O + he was cool with MLK.

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