The Thought Tapes Part I: Here Goes Nothing


June 5, 2013 by NowhereButPop

By Andrew Doscas

I want to try a little something different here, and follow a strict stream of consciousness with this article.  I also want to limit it to 500 words to make it as concise as I can.  So if it ends mid-sentence it’s because I’ve reached my quota.  Simply put whatever thought pops into my head will wind up on this piece of digital paper.  This paragraph does not count towards the 500 word total.

Not for nothing, but I really thought I’d have something more to say.  All day I’ve been thinking about anything really: the NBA Finals, my hypothetical X-Men storylines, dinner, and my favorite Prince album, just to name a few.  But as is the case…stage fright.  Very weird, but then again I guess I just have to have some sort of structure.  Even right now it’s hard to put thought to Microsoft word because there’re about four different thoughts going through my head, and they’re all struggling to be heard.

Is this normal?  Does the average person think about a girl they met three years ago once at a party while at the same time trying to figure out the economic differential in global unemployment due to lack of education, while also trying to assess why they have a horrible jump shot?  Probably not.  Is this a sign of ADD or ADHD?  What’s the difference between the two?  Why am I asking so many questions?  Do we control what we think, or do thoughts just pop into our heads at random?  What causes obsession, both good and bad?  Why am I asking so many questions?

Sometimes I think that I have the capacity to be a genius, other times I think I’m the dumbest smart person around, and other times I think that I just exist.  I didn’t even know that Syracuse University had an honors program until my last semester there.  Not only that, but you had to be asked to join it.  This made me angry.  That was a very basic sentence.  Why did the sentence “This made me angry” make me a little angry?  I think it’s because I put pressure on myself to come up with a more complex arrangement of my thoughts.  I shouldn’t put this much pressure on myself to do anything least of all because of a rudimentary sentence.

I stutter and stammer my words sometimes, and it is a source of endless frustration.  But as with most things I probably blow it out of proportion and turn it into a bigger problem than it is.  In my own defense though it is endlessly bothersome to have thoughts and not be understood, especially for someone who loves the sound of their own voice.  It also calls for constantly repeating myself which is also another nuisance.  This is because I am also very impatient.  I don’t really know where that came from, but for as long as I can remember impatience has always been a vice of mine.  I don’t like that.

I don’t really buy into astrology or zodiac stuff, which is weird because a few girls that I’ve been with have been really into that.  I don’t know which I like more Grant Morrison’s run on X-Men, or his run on Batman.  I told myself to think that.  Now I have to finish the thought about astrology though.  I’m an Aries, did I spell that right?  By all accounts, I’ve been


One thought on “The Thought Tapes Part I: Here Goes Nothing

  1. rose717 says:

    Took the words right out of my mouth. I have the exact same problems. Your not alone. Been struggling with all that for a long time! Didn’t know anyone else had the same issues. I honestly thought I was crazy.

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