The Thought Tapes Vol. V: Better Tame that Boy Because He’s a Wild One

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February 4, 2014 by NowhereButPop

by Andrew Doscas

Really the only difference between me now and me as an eight year old is that as an eight year old I was way more hyper and a lot worse at introspection.  Pretty much just an unrefined version of how I am now.  Should I say “unrefined” or “less refined”?

I’ve been listening to a lot of Kanye recently, and it’s gone beyond Yeezus and Dark Fantasy, as I’ve now listened to 808s and Heartbreak straight through twice tonight.  Right now, at the time that I write this lucid, stream of consciousness piece I’m listening to “Lovestoned”.  It’s a great song, especially the last two and a half minutes which composes the “I Think She Knows (Interlude)”.  What my liking of “Lovestoned” tells me is that I am inherently attracted to duality and contrasting yet integral forces.  This probably also explains why I like Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract”.  I think with duality, what it is that I find so compelling is in trying to find the balance between two strong yet opposite forces.  There’s a natural conflict in trying to choose one over the other without compromising the integrity of either.  Despite a proclivity to choose one side over another, there’s an innate feel to preserve a neutral balance.  I don’t think I’m making much sense right now.  I sound like a pretentious prick who knows he has no clue what he’s talking about, but tries to come off like he does.

Is it really possible to save the world?  What does that entail and how would someone go about doing that?  I can’t save the world and neither can anyone else I know.  The closest we can come is by just being there for someone who needs us.  Whenever you need a friend, you really see who your friends are when they answer that call for you.  The line “Where were all your shoulders when we cried” from Elton John’s “Tower of Babel” sums this notion up much better than I ever could.  When we needed one, whoever lent us their shoulder to lean on are real friends, and to those who didn’t, you owe those people absolutely nothing.

“Paranoid” is probably the best track on 808s.  I realize that these “Thought Tapes” probably make me seem insane, and even worse inane, or at the very least deserving of some Ritalin.  I think that sort of the point though, an unfocused train of thoughts.  Although, this most likely reinforces the unfocused and chaotic writing style of mine.  With most things, it’s direction that I need; I have the energy and the creativity to do whatever, it’s just a matter of directing that energy in a cohesive and precise way.  With writing in particular, my style falls between uncontrollable fire hose trying to gush out the Pacific Ocean through a small nozzle, and a snake with a broken back writhing in the sands.

Is this me being postmodern or introspective?  Can someone be bad at introspection and self-examination?  Is there

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