Our Alternate Reality


April 15, 2014 by NowhereButPop

by Andrew Doscas

People can be cool, and people can act cool, but very rarely do people say cool things.  One of the coolest things that I’ve ever heard anyone say was last year when Steve Secular made of the greatest postulations that I’ve ever heard in my entire life.  One afternoon we were trying to analyze and understand our lives within the context of the NBA as an analogy, the ultimate vehicle with which to construct paradigms of everyday life, and Steve proclaimed the following:


“I feel like we live in an alternate dimension where Len Bias died; like, that there’s another reality, the real reality, where Len Bias didn’t die, and we’re just living in this wacky parallel dimension where he died when he shouldn’t have.”

-Steve Secular


Mathematically speaking, it’s almost a certainty that parallel universes and alternate dimensions exist.  There’s the belief that there has always been an infinite multitude of alternate realities, and there’s another school of thought that ascribes to the belief that every decision we make yields an alternate dimension to cover every conceivable option that a certain situation presents.  In short, this theory says that for every decision we make and every decision we don’t make, a different dimension arises based upon whichever course of action we take.

I don’t see the point in worrying about all of these possibilities and infinite dimensions that could arise because it’s a pretty good way to drive yourself insane.  But when I first heard Steve’s exclamation I couldn’t help but agree with him 100%.  When you think about it, it just doesn’t feel right that Len Bias died before he ever even played in the NBA.  When I say “it just doesn’t feel right”, I don’t mean morally or ethically, but in actuality, as if there was something wrong with reality.  If the Matrix was a real thing, then Bias’ death would be a surefire tip off that we were living in a constructed reality where the overlords didn’t quite get everything right.  This is almost exactly like the “Tastee Wheat” conundrum from The Matrix,.

But, that’s not the case, and trying to focus myself upon the original statement that formed the genesis of this article, I began looking for other things that didn’t seem “right”, things that seemed to deviate from a pragmatic and orthodox reality.  I don’t think we live in “The” alternate reality, because your own individual reality can’t be alternate to anything else, because our existence is predicated on what we know and what we experience, therefore our reality and existence can’t be parallel or alternative to something that we are not a part of nor can readily define.

With this being said, if we did in fact live in a reality alternate to the “correct” one, here are the 12 most obvious reasons why.  These are the things that almost seem like flaws in reality, mistakes made that differentiate ours from the true “real” universe.  They are as follows:


1)      The death of Len Bias

2)      The Yankees losing the 2001 World Series

3)      OJ Simpson getting away with murder

4)      Justin Bieber’s existence

5)      The Godfather Part III

6)      Lindsay Lohan not putting out a sex tape

7)      Dave Mustaine being kicked out of Metallica

8)      Richard Nixon getting caught for Watergate

9)      Michelle Kwan never winning an Olympic gold medal

10)  The 2004 ALCS

11)  The Who not breaking up after Who Are You

12)  The failure of the United States government to assassinate Fidel Castro


I’m not saying we live in an alternate dimension, but given these 12 facts, would you really be all that surprised?


2 thoughts on “Our Alternate Reality

  1. toconnell88 says:

    Living in Australia (and being allergic to competitive sport), I don’t get most of these references, but feel compelled to believe you just the same. Seems we’ve drawn the short end of the multiverse.

    I suspect I won’t regret following your blog 🙂

  2. […] parallel universes out there, the Yankees win the 2001 World Series in 78 of those.  We live in an alternate and heterodox […]

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