Random Thoughts While Watching the Opening of Look Who’s Talking

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July 16, 2015 by NowhereButPop

by Andrew Doscas

As a kid, I had a lot of questions about how exactly a baby was made.  I knew the basics—that mom + dad = child, but those were just variable that represented unknown figures in the equation.  To be honest though, most of my ponderings dealt with why I didn’t have a brother, and not the sexual-cellular aspect of procreation.  After seeing Look Who’s Talking (at age six), most of my questions were answered within the first 10 minutes of the movie…even those I didn’t realize I had.  Here are some random thoughts while watching the opening sequence again:

  • Is it weird that every time I hear The Beach Boys I think of copulation?
  • The human egg ovum is the only cell that you can see with the naked eye
  • I guess it’s pretty bouncy too
  • Until I was like 12, I had no idea what the hell I was watching
  • Apparently George Segal doesn’t have any mutated sperm cells
  • Although his sperm count is impotently low
  • With all the fast food and soda I eat I wonder should I be worried about my own sperm count
  • I don’t smoke though so I should be good
  • Although I did jerk off a lot as a teen. Maybe I ran out?
  • Do I have more X chromosome sperm or Y chromosome sperm?
  • I wish I could parthenogenesis myself
  • Then again I don’t want my kids to be anything like me…they deserve better than that

    Human conception is kinda like Space Invaders.

  • I wonder if Kubrick would have killed to have filmed inside the human body
  • I kinda feel bad for the sperm cells that took a wrong turn or crashed into the cervix or something. They’ll never have the chance to be born and will probably die within the next 20 minutes – 2 days
  • Apparently sperm can live inside the female body for a maximum of 3 days
  • Realistically though, half of those sperm cells would have melted almost immediately
  • The female body reacts to sperm cells as a foreign invader and will automatically try and wipe them out…microbiological genocide
  • This is the real amazing race
  • If they’re all competing for a chance to be born why are they trying to help each other out by pointing out where the egg is?
  • Shouldn’t they be more discreet about where the egg is…I mean only one can win while all the other will wind up dying…this is pretty much as high stakes as it gets
  • How come the egg cell doesn’t have a personality? If it did I’d probably want Megan Mullally to voice its inner monologue.  It’d be the real Vagina Monologues
  • With all the things that can go wrong, it’s a miracle that any of us are born at all
  • They probably should have just made us watch Look Who’s Talking instead of The Miracle of Life back in health class
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